Weekend Football

We hope you took Gerry’s advice… as his accer of Middlesbrough, Newcastle, Man Utd, Arsenal and Blackburn cames in at 15.00 – KERCHING!

Girls Allowed? It’s Encouraged

I’ve recently learned the hard way that you should never discuss politics and religion. My lodger and I became embroiled in a furious row over the conflict in Iraq. Dave was very vocal in his condemnation of Bush; but he flew off the handle when I criticised Brown. It almost came to blows.

The day after our acrimonious political altercation, we fell out over his attempt to convert the wife into devout Christianity. I was less than pleased when I arrived home from work early to hear a chant of “Oh God” emanating from the spare bedroom.

As a result of our constant bickering, I had to ask Dave to move out. He didn’t react well to my decision; he tried to smash my back door in. The wife was extremely disappointed with the unpleasant outcome, as she’d literally bent over backwards to make him feel welcome.

Roy Keane and Alex Ferguson can empathise with my predicament. Sir Alex had to offload the busy Irishman after he criticised a number of team-mates. I can understand why Fergie was so upset; only a mug would buy Kieran Richardson after Keane’s vitriolic volley.

The return of United’s prodigal son has added real spice to Sunderland’s trip to Old Trafford. A case can be made for backing the Mackems at 19.00, but it has more holes than Amy Winehouse. I have to side with Manchester United at 1.25.

Robbie Savage has his critics, but I’d happily place the Welshman alongside Keane, Vieira and Makelele; if I was creating an ‘odd one out’ question. The 2.25 for a Blackburn win over Manchester City stands out like a sore thumb.

When I heard that Kieron Dyer had broken his leg in two places, my immediate thoughts were ‘Lee Bowyer’s house’ and ‘Craig Bellamy’s golf club’. West Ham are a different side to the team that were on the end of a 6-0 shoeing at Reading last season, the Hammers can take revenge at 3.30.

Cheryl Cole surprisingly turned down a £150,000 Bentley from her wealthy husband, because she felt ‘she didn’t earn it’. The solution is pretty obvious. I’m going down the bookies to take 3.60 for a draw between Aston Villa and Chelsea.

I’d love to see Sammy Lee succeed at Bolton, but the only way he’ll still be employed at Christmas is if he finds six pals. An Everton win at the Reebok is available at 3.00; that’s plenty big enough.

How on earth were Fulham not awarded a penalty against Aston Villa last week? Craig Gardner’s handling in the area was so impressive; Petr Cech and John Terry both rang to congratulate him. Lawrie Sanchez is probably the unluckiest manager in the league at the minute, Spurs can take advantage at 2.38.

Pompey are set to release David Nugent a mere month after splashing out £6m on him. Such an eventuality would have been a 1000.00 shot on the exchanges, but it wouldn’t have lasted long. The 1.53 for Arsenal beating Pompey is equally as attractive.

Liverpool v Derby may well prove to be the greatest mismatch since Kate Moss paired off with Pete Doherty. The master songsmith could have done a lot better. You won’t find a bigger banker than Liverpool at 1.22.

I was disappointed to see Mido react to inflammatory chants last weekend. A professional footballer is paid handsomely to ignore provocation from the crowd, and Mido makes good bread. All of our finances will receive a boost if we take the 2.10 for a Middlesbrough win over Birmingham.

The FA’s decision to launch an enquiry into the Newcastle supporters’ behaviour is typically over the top. If you ask me, it’s being blown out of all proportion. I’ll happily make a fuss over the 1.75 for a Newcastle win over Wigan.

Mido labelled the offending supporters as ‘drunks’ after the match, which I found quite offensive. I partake in the occasional swift few beers myself, but I’m not a drunk; I’m a connoisseur of the liquid bint-thinner. A 15.00 weekend accer of Middlesbrough, Newcastle, Man Utd, Arsenal and Blackburn will pay for enough lager to drop the wife down a few sizes.

Weekend Betting:

Bolton v Everton Saturday 1st September 15:00
Bolton 2.50
Draw 3.25
Everton 3.00
Get on: Everton
Match Special: Andy Johnson to score the only goal of the game 34.00

Fulham v Tottenham Saturday 1st September 15:00
Fulham 3.40
Draw 3.30
Tottenham 2.38
Get on: Tottenham
Match Special: Berbatov to score at any time 3.00

Liverpool v Derby Saturday 1st September 15:00
Liverpool 1.22
Draw 6.00
Derby 19.00
Get on: Liverpool
Match Special: Torres to score two or more goals 5.00

Middlesbrough v Birmingham Saturday 1st September 15:00
Middlesbrough 2.10
Draw 3.40
Birmingham 4.00
Get on: Middlesbrough
Match Special: Middlesbrough to win and keep a clean sheet 3.60

Newcastle v Wigan Saturday 1st September 15:00
Newcastle 1.75
Draw 3.50
Wigan 5.00
Get on: Newcastle
Match Special: Newcastle to score three or more goals 4.00

Reading v West Ham Saturday 1st September 15:00
Reading 2.15
Draw 3.25
West Ham 3.30
Get on: West Ham
Match Special: Bellamy to score from outside the penalty area 9.00

Man Utd v Sunderland Saturday 1st September 17:15 Live on Setanta
Man Utd 1.25
Draw 6.00
Sunderland 19.00
Get on: Man Utd
Match Special: Tevez and Nani both to score 8.00

Arsenal v Portsmouth Sunday 2nd September 13:30 Live on Sky
Arsenal 1.53
Draw 4.00
Portsmouth 7.50
Get on: Arsenal
Match Special: Arsenal to score four or more goals 6.00

Blackburn v Man City Sunday 2nd September 15:00
Blackburn 2.25
Draw 3.25
Man City 3.40
Get on: Blackburn
Match Special: Santa Cruz to score the first goal 7.50

Aston Villa v Chelsea Sunday 2nd September 16:00 Live on Sky
Aston Villa 6.00
Draw 3.60
Chelsea 1.73
Get on: Draw
Match Special: Reo-Coker to score in a 1-1 draw 51.00