You know you’ve made it in life when people are betting on your death, says Nick Leeson. The man they once called ‘Lucky’ enjoys just that distinction, but he still loves novelty bets. He’s not so sure about poker, though…
The stock markets have been cementing their lack of direction over the last few weeks, I’ve been losing hand over fist at poker and I wouldn’t be able to pick a winner at the horses because I can’t make head nor tail of the Racing Post. It may as well be written in Chinese for the good it does me. I’ll have to ask the Editor to give me an idiot’s guide to it sometime soon. I used to have more luck in Changi Jail in Singapore, betting on the next plane that would fl y over the exercise yard.
Unfortunately, it’s been another normal month in the Leeson household. The wife will have to postpone the bigger house, the faster car and the lifestyle of the rich and famous for a little while longer! I could always buy a lottery ticket, but there’s really no point. It’d be the biggest pay-out in the history of the national lottery – Camelot would arrange a spectacular day to present me with the cheque. I’d be standing on the stage, palms of my hands a little sweaty, stretching out my arms as far as they’d go, waiting for the cheque… And then one of the liquidators from Barings would turn up, take the cheque, and remind me that I still have £762 million to go. Do you reckon they’d believe me if I told them it was my wife’s ticket?
Enough dreaming. That little problem is never going to disappear. Most people fantasise about the big pay day; I have to make do with fantasising that one day I’ll possibly put a dent in my debts.
One thing that I’ve found interesting since I came back from Singapore is the increase in the number of novelty bets that are available as well as the popularity of them. It’s obvious that they work and have attracted a demographic of society that wasn’t traditionally your normal punter, but surely there has to be a limit to what people will bet on. One of the first stories that I heard about myself when I came back from Singapore was in relation to a TV show about a group of people who made strange bets and discussed their rationale for making them.
My name cropped up when odds were being given on the next well-known person to die. I think I was the 4/1 second favourite – quite a good price for someone recently diagnosed with cancer and with questionable sanity after four and a half years in a Singapore jail. To qualify for a payout, I had to die within a 12 month period.
Happily, I’m still around to stick up two fingers at those who took the bet. I wish I’d been running the book, but I’d probably have ended up being nicked for insider trading by my good friends at the SFA. I’ve heard that their lives are a little bit more interesting since I sent a few tremors through the financial markets. They’d probably shit themselves if I started to give financial advice or share tips again.
Paddy Power, probably the kings of the novelty bet and all the hybrids that spring off it will take your money for virtually anything, from who will be the next Pope to whether or not there will be a man on Mars in the near future. In true Celtic fashion, they’re not frightened to get a bit of egg on their face every once in a while, and they do it all with a smile too. Fantastic.
They ran an advert once with three elderly people crossing the road and the relevant odds. It upset a few people but it tapped into that section of the market who will really bet on anything. I was at Lingfield once with a couple of friends. The food was great, the drink was plentiful and so were the losses. Not content with taking a beating on the gee-gees, we bet on the re-runs of the greyhounds and anything that we could find on the television. When that was over, we scanned the course and spotted three people crossing the track to get to their car. That was the bet. Mine got half way across the track, tripped and fell – I don’t know why I bother. I’m destined to owe far more than I own. Well I’m not starting from too strong a position am I?
If you don’t fancy novelty bets, but you need some money soon, I recommend that you come and play me at poker. I’m suffering from one of the biggest losing streaks in history. It’s second only to my own hall of fame entry with Barings. Really, I’m giving it away at the moment. However good my hand, someone is always going one better. It frustrates the hell out of me, and my laptop has been up close and personal with a few of the walls in the house lately.
My fortune has got to change some time – you’d never believe that in Singapore, they used to call me ‘Lucky’!
