Betting in Brum

	The old boy was right: my dog leaves his pals eating dust. I grin gleefully as I collect 80 big ones

You’ve got to love a bit of Brum! The place is just heaving with action. From bars to bookies, clubs to pubs, England’s second city has a bit of everything for everyone. So when the opportunity came up for me to pack a bag and go and give it some action of my own, I was well up for the challenge. Making no fewer than 42 bets in the bookies, as well as taking in the surroundings of the country’s largest casino and a Premiership football match, it’s fair to say the weekend had its ups and downs. But with a bankroll of £200 in my pocket, I was ready for action. Let battle commence!

£200 AND COUNTING…

FRIDAY 31 MARCH

10.55am

Already late… I can’t resist stopping for a cheeky McDonald’s at London’s Euston Station. Big Mac meal please, and make it snappy!

11.05am

On the train to Birmingham New Street. Sat next to a bloke with possibly the most annoying laugh ever. This is going to be a struggle.

11.45am

Finally manage to drop off, but woken suddenly by another burst from laughing boy.

12.45pm

Arrive in Birmingham New Street. First port of call: the Betting Shop above the Sports Cafe on Broad Street. Opt to take the stroll instead of hailing a cab – best keep the cash safe for the bookies.

12.49pm

I’m lost.

1.23pm

Eventually arrive at the Betting Shop and get a warm welcome. The action is soon to start, but, first, food! The Big Mac was breakfast, so the Sports Cafe beckons.

1.45pm

The massive bar/restaurant is the ideal place for a betting afternoon. Beer on tap and a bookies next door. I decide to lump on the dogs, with two meetings at Brough Park and Swindon to keep me occupied. It’s quick and painless. Trap number three, some canine called Mossley Flash – 20 big ones, I reckon!

1.46pm

Not off to the best of starts, as Mossley limps home fifth.

BANKROLL £180

1.50pm

This place is superb, though, and nipping out of the bookies to have a pint I come up with a plan – tap up the locals’ knowledge.

1.53pm

I talk to a regular, but I’m struggling to keep on top of his ‘Barry from Auf Wiedersehen, Pet’ accent. I hear trap number three for the 2.00pm. Let’s have a look, then.

2.01pm

It only went and came in, you little beauty! ‘Barry’ grins and rambles some line about how he always picks winners at Brough on a Friday. Starts a little winning run as well. But I know when my time is up. I call it a day after three hours of punting, several beers and 13 bets. I’m £50 up. Not bad, but could do better.

BANKROLL £252

5.00pm

Strolling around Brum, I need to find somewhere to rest my head for the night. Fortunately, my sister has a spare bed nearby. So saving on the hotel means yet more cash to splash at the bookies. ‘Oi, mate, is there a Ladbrokes round here?’

5.15pm

After lumping on some horses tipped up by another local, my winnings take a bit of a dent. I’m also quick to get out of the bookies near the city centre’s Bull Ring, as there’s a man who has taken an obvious displeasure to my southern accent. He keeps asking me if I’m a Chelsea fan. The penny then drops that Jose Mourinho’s high-flying Blues are in town the following day to face Steve Bruce’s struggling Blues. I make a hasty exit, looking over my shoulder as I leave!

BANKROLL £220

7.45pm

I’m off to Hall Green dog track and I’m feeling lucky.

8.15pm

This place is chaos! Situated about four miles south of the city centre, it’s packed to the rafters. I can hardly open my eyes due to the smoke from the Lambert & Butlers. Could do with a drink, though. ‘Three pints of Fosters, please’. They weren’t all for me: I’ve dragged my sister and her boyfriend along for the ride. If I go down, they’re coming with me.

8.30pm

The evening’s fifth race is approaching, but it’s pot-luck on the form guide. Decide to go with trap one, playing it safe, hoping Samurai gets off to a flyer. He doesn’t, and it’s all down hill from here.

BANKROLL £200

8.45pm

It’s pissing with rain and I can’t be arsed to go outside to the betting ring. Instead, I settle for the Tote.

8.50pm

Going to give the dogs one final blast before heading off to Star City Casino. Start up a conversation with a very friendly local, who points out that despite losing his last six races, Crack on Jack – priced at 4/1 – always runs on at Hall Green. ‘If he’s in the top six at the first corner, he’ll win’. Baffled, I turn to my friend and remind him there are six dogs running, so that’s a bit of an impossibility, surely? ‘He’s pulled out late on,’ comes the reply through stained teeth. Whether he’s joking or not, I’m having a look anyway. Last one for the night – 20 quid!

8.56pm

The traps are open, and Crack on Jack edges into the lead at the first bend. The old boy was right: my dog leaves his pals eating dust. I grin gleefully as I collect 80 big ones from the Tote. The winnings are only going in one direction. Star City, here we come.

BANKROLL £280

9.30pm

I’m given a warm welcome at the massive Star City Casino. Perhaps they know I’m a card fish. After being given a tour of the surroundings – and very impressive they are too – I decide to hit the blackjack tables. It’s not too busy since the booze hounds in the pubs are yet to descend on the late-night bar, so I’m feeling quietly confident.

9.45pm

The dealer’s on top of me, but my luck could be changing. This is, after all, the place where one lucky punter won £3m. The dealer dishes out a 7 and a 4 to give me 11 against her up-card of a Queen. This is my chance to really get ahead, so I double my stake, hoping and praying for a picture. A King comes down – now that’s gambling! I’m off to the bar. There’s plenty of choice. This is billed as Europe’s biggest casino, and, with 40 tables, four bars and waitress service, it could be the end of my bankroll.

BANKROLL £317

10.37pm

I’m done for the night. Star City, which is open until 6am, is just getting going, but I need my beauty sleep. Making our exit from the casino, my sister, Jemma, who has never played roulette in her life, decides to chuck a tenner on number 17. A chilling scream sends shivers down my spine: she’s trousered 360 big ones. I’m absolutely gutted. It’s time to go home.

SATURDAY 1 APRIL

9.35am

No time for Soccer AM – I’m up early to get down to St Andrews, the home of Birmingham City Football club to get a couple of tickets for the match. Chelsea are the visitors for the early kick-off. I want to have a good look at what’s on offer with the bookies as well. Chelsea haven’t been on form of late. Everyone’s talking abut a crisis for Mourinho’s men. If they’re in a crisis, then what of Birmingham?

11.00am

Pub opens – two pints, please. Funny thing is, I seem to be buying all the drinks this weekend.

11.34am

Running my eyes up and down the coupon, I fancy Bruce’s boys to do something special today. I’ve been to St Andrews before and I know their support is pretty good. Considering that Chelsea fans don’t know the meaning of a football song, Birmingham City looks like a good bet. It may sound stupid, but I really just can’t bring myself to back Mourinho’s divers.

11.40am

I go for a draw at 13/2. Hell, why not have a look at Emile Heskey to score for Brum in a 1-0 win. Stranger things have happened! At 80/1, it’s got to be worth a few quid of anyone’s money. A tenner on the big lump up front, and £20 on the stalemate.

12.16pm

Preparing for kick-off, it’s pie time. Chicken Tikka and a cup of Bovril. How very civilised this is.

12.45pm

Referee Dermot Gallagher gets things rolling.

12.59pm

City are asking all the questions, but will they run out of steam?

1.03pm

A chance falls to Heskey in the box. It’s a free header! He’s got the whole goal to aim at! Keep your eyes on the ball, Emile! His effort flies well wide…

1.32pm

Gallagher blows up for half-time. On this form, the draw is looking out of the question and a Brum win should be on the cards. However, it’s a very different Chelsea side that comes out in the second half.

1.56pm

The Special One rings the changes: on comes Hernan Crespo. I’ve got a bad feeling about this…

2.21pm

With the seconds ticking – and after Chelsea have had two goals ruled out for off-side – Crespo breaks into the box and brings down a William Gallas through-ball. He makes clean contact, but Maik Taylor immediately gets behind it. The draw is a fair result. Fair play to Birmingham and fair play to me.

BANKROLL £443

5.15pm

My time is up, my train back to London is about to leave and I’ve still got more than double my starting stake in my sky rocket. Taking my seat, I check to make sure the hysterical idiot is nowhere to be seen. I could do with a bit of shut-eye after all the excitement of the last two days. The coast is clear. Goodbye, Birmingham, it’s been nice seeing you!