Vegas for free!

If you play poker regularly but haven’t been to Las Vegas you’re missing out on one of life’s biggest pleasures. Vegas has it all: glitz (whatever that is), glamour (fair enough) and the promise of instant riches (now we’re talking).

Now there’s an old joke – ‘how do you leave Vegas with a small fortune? Arrive with a large one’ – but luckily that’s aimed at degenerate gamblers. I’ve been given a more enjoyable task – to prove that poker is a game of skill (contrary to recent court rulings, see p14) and that with a relatively solid game you can easily pay for your holiday by playing in the loose low stakes cash games that are still continuing to spread across the poker room floors of Vegas casinos.

For the purposes of the challenge I’m going to count the cost of the trip as just my hotel and airfare – going on the fact I’d have to eat at home anyway. The direct flight cost £340 and my week’s stay at Bally’s is set to come in at £425, leaving my target winnings for the week at £765 ($1,450) or just over $200 a day. Let the games begin…

Brave new world

Touching down at McCarran International airport for the first time in four years the first things I notice are the changes. There are more hotels, no-holes-barred pornography in the hotel rooms and, more importantly, it’s turned into a poker paradise, with more poker rooms and games than you could dream of. And I’m not going to let the trifling matter of a long-haul flight with no sleep get in the way of a game immediately, regardless of the strange bleeding in the whites of my eyes.

I must look like an addict in withdrawal as I twitch and shuffle my way through Bally’s reception, but I’m proud to report that 12 hours later (3am local time), the gods of Vegas have seemingly welcomed me back with open arms and, despite playing in smaller games than normal (my only concession to my all-consuming fatigue), I’ve already made several hundred dollars.

Back in my room I give in to sleep (after scattering my winnings round the room and rolling around in them naked). Waking an indeterminate amount of time later, I’m in a weird place somewhere between sleep and wake – a state that you have to embrace if you’re in Vegas for a short amount of time.

Pulling open the heavy curtains that block out all vestiges of light, the world’s ultimate playground is revealed to me, glistening amid the desert haze. The phone moves almost unconsciously into my hand and I hear myself ordering a stack of blueberry pancakes, orange juice and coffee… ahhh Vegas. It’s good to be back.

Don’t drink drive

The biggest problem with Vegas – especially if you’re on a mission to win a set amount of money in a set amount of time, is where and what to play. I’ve decided to play almost exclusively cash games, as it’s easier to grind out the profit, and I’m figuring that with so much tournament poker on TV, plenty of bad play will have seeped into the cash games.

The first thing you realise when you sit down in a Vegas cash game is the wide variety of people and standards you’ll encounter. It’s completely different from playing in the UK – at most tables you’ll see everything from tourists looking to have fun, to working pros, red-necked biker freaks and PokerPlayer writers (if you’re lucky).

You have to categorise these people as quickly and accurately as possible and it’s not always straightforward. Luckily people tend to be very chatty at the tables in Vegas. When you first sit down try getting chummy with the person next to you – they’ll probably fill you in on everyone they’ve been playing with.

My first three days are what I can only describe as poker heaven. It’s one of those glorious runs where poker’s easy and everything you touch turns to gold. I also have a huge amount of success over-betting my strong hands – if this isn’t already part of your cash game play add it to your arsenal now.

At the end of the third day I’m sitting in a $2/$5 no-limit game with a very weak player with a penchant for neat Jack Daniels. He’s been playing every hand and hitting every flop and is sitting with a big stack in front of him. It’s really late and I hate to admit it, but he’s the reason I’m still up. It’s mercenary I know but everyone else is there for him too – like hyenas circling a lame zebra. I end up in a dream scenario, making quads on the river, with three Sixes on board, to his very obvious full house. I make a big over-bet, moving all-in and he announces, or slurs, ‘I don’t believe you’ and calls. I feel bad about busting him… for about eight seconds – but he seems fairly happy with life as he staggers into the casino, despite giving me over $600 in a single hand.

I go to bed and recap the trip so far. I’ve spent three days in Vegas playing a lot of poker at levels no higher than $2/$5 and I’m $1,680 up. I know I’m running good, but it’s already mission accomplished and time to retire to the Jacuzzi for four days.

At least that’s the plan anyway. Unfortunately it’s actually quite hard to quit when you’re winning and the next day my run ends abruptly. The big hands become scarce and the profitable situations disappear. Finally, I have proof of Karma – I took down the nice drunk man and look at me now.

However, if you’re going to have a losing run, have it in Vegas where there are plenty of compensations: amazing food, bright lights, not-so-bright women and the poker celebrities. In fact, spending time in Vegas poker rooms will definitely turn you into a poker groupie.

If you head to the Bellagio you can even watch the Big Game (see p34 for more). Every night in their goldfish bowl glass enclosure of Bobby’s room (Vegas has a rule that all games must be visible, so this is the rather funny compromise) you can witness the world’s best players betting for dizzyingly high stakes.

Cowboys

And then comes the low point of the trip, in a $5/$10 no-limit game in the Bellagio. I make friends with a female pro from LA and we’re having fun discussing the hands and players. Slightly ahead in the game I find K-K in early position and end up losing a significant pot when another player makes a flush on the turn. The chips – my chips – are being pushed to the young pro across the table when I look up to see the unmistakeable be-hatted figure of one of the world’s leading tournament players Kenna James talking to my lady pro friend.

Never one to miss an opportunity to learn – or be publicly humiliated – I stand up and ask for his feedback on how I played the hand. It turns out Kenna would have checked the turn, then – based on his read and the opponent – he would have either check-raised, called or folded. But what does he know? One thing I will remember the hand for, apart from Kenna’s play correction, is that it illustrates the theme of my play on this trip: position. If you play no-limit Hold’em drill this into your brain – position is everything. In position you can play without cards, make fancy moves to take pots away and so on. Out of position – even with a strong hand and one of the world’s best players looking on – you’re often just guessing.

This hand rounds off two losing days, which cost me $625. After five days my running total is $1,055, which means my trip can still go either way.

TLC

It’s time to refuel and re-energise. And in Vegas, feeling better is only ever a visit to the hotel spa and a massive buffet away. Next it’s time to stop my losing streak and I achieve this thanks to an extremely loose game at the MGM, the star of which is a model from LA who appears to be high on life (please note I’ve used the word life for legal reasons).

She’s throwing a party for everyone at the table and, though I didn’t get as rich as some, she stops my losing streak. I’m now sitting on $1,350 profit, which means that come my last night I’m still just short of my $1,450 objective. I’ll confess, I’m knackered, but you’ll be amazed what a shower and a newly purchased tracksuit can do for you. Fourteen hours later and I’m finishing my trip in the ideal way – with a stack in front of me that’s doubled in size, a good atmosphere at the table, a couple of new poker buddies and a plate of steak, eggs and hash browns.

Leaving the table is almost impossible but the knowledge that I’ve accomplished my mission makes it a little easier. I’m $465 up for the night.

Back in my hotel room I’ve got just about enough energy to tally up the week. Total profit: $1,805 – a little over £900. I’ve broken my target and managed to pay for the trip. There’s no question I ran good for most of the week, though if some of my good hands had happened in the bigger games it could have been even better.

And if I can do it, so can you – a free holiday playing poker is within your grasp. And hey, if you end up losing there’s no better city in the world to lose in. I’ve been told it’s gaudy and over the top, I’ve been told there are other places you can visit; well, thanks for the advice, but I’ll take Vegas.